Un happy, victim, powerless




I had an interesting conversation the other day which did not start out on the subject of happiness but it got me thinking about it. The conversation was about politics – not my favorite subject – but so many people are wrapped up in it during this election year and it seems no matter who I talk with, the topic comes up.

It seems many people get heated about who should or should not be president or in government roles and “if so and so” gets elected “it’s gonna suck for the next 4 years”. It does not matter if the person is Republican or Democrat; the view of the outcome is the same, if it goes the opposite of what they want. Basically, it is a lose-lose, because someone is going to be pissed off.

My response is always the same “my happiness does not depend on who is in government”. This usually throws people for a loop for it never occurred to them there could be a different outlook, only us or them.  In this particular conversation, the response was, “you won’t be happy if you are paying 50% tax”.

Ok, good point, however, if we end up paying 50% tax, I may not like it but it still does not determine my happiness! And the reason why it is not a determining factor is because – True Happiness is a state of being and nothing else; it is not something that is acquired through a circumstance or other people~ EVER!

As domesticated beings, it has been ingrained into us through media, society, our parents, and teachers, etc., that other people and things determine our happiness. If you don’t believe me, how many times have you heard, “don’t do that, do this, follow the rules, you need to buy this, have this thing, be married, get divorced, have kids, you shouldn’t have kids, have a degree, wear designer clothes, you need to have a certain job and make a certain amount of money, etc., etc., etc.”???  Answer me this, “After attaining all of what you are “supposed” to have to be happy, are you happy and did you make other people happy?”  I truly doubt it.

Think about this, if your happiness is dependent on what you do or don’t do, have or not have, and waiting for it to be given to you by an outside source, you will never be truly happy.  Circumstances change constantly, making that kind of happiness not only fleeting, but a self-made prison based on illusions, taking away your personal freedom.

If one is basing their happiness on who is in government, if their spouse, mother, father, boss are happy, and having the day unfold without a glitch, statistically how often will one be happy throughout a lifetime? Allowing and waiting for outside circumstances to go your way for you to be happy is futile, disempowering and essentially, making you a victim.

Granted, life is not always pleasant, and sometimes it is more unpleasant than others but it does not happen to make you unhappy, unless you choose for it to be so.

What is true happiness?

To me it is the deep connection within myself that is always steady, knowing that no matter what goes on outside of me, it is only a circumstance which can be changed, and I have the power within me to change it.

It is knowing that I am connected to something bigger than myself and everything I am experiencing, both positive and negative, is not personal, it is just an experience and an opportunity to learn and grow.

It is knowing that I have all the resources within me that will help guide me on my path, for the best outcome ever, even if the outcome is something I would not have chosen consciously. It is not about me, it if for me to learn and understand who I truly am.

It is knowing the journey is more important than the outcome for this was provided for me, again, for my ultimate growth and awareness.

It is about detachment from the circumstances, which takes us back to not taking things personally. Nothing happens to me or you, because of me or you. It happens because it happens and we just happen to be part of the circumstance.

And most importantly, whatever we are putting out into the world on a vibrational and energetic level, we are attracting back to us like magnets. This of all things keeps me on track. Why would I want to magnify and attract to me negative energy?  I am choosing to be happy because I would rather attract back to me happiness!

Bottom line, happiness is a choice and state of being and it can never be taken away unless we give something or someone outside of ourselves power to do so.

How can one attain true happiness?

  1. A simple but not easy task is to just let go. Let go of your expectations, your hurts, wrongs, fears, attachments, drama, and stop taking things personally. When we are caught up and stuck in the negative state of mind, it traps our personal power, and energy, hooking our attention and focus on more of what we don’t want in our lives, disempowering us and making us victims. So learn to let go and dismantle the negative cycle. When we are able to let go, forgive, clear our limiting beliefs and negative blocks, we are able to whittle away the negative concrete shield covering up who we truly are so we can just “be” allowing us to create from pure consciousness. Clearing techniques are helpful tools in letting go of limiting and negative beliefs and blocks.
  2. Taking responsibility for all things in our lives. This is a difficult one to grasp and wrap the brain around. Coming from a place of responsibility is not about blame or shame. It is about, being aware of how one is creating at all times and if mistakes are made, understanding we have the power to change it. I have fully created my life, attracting others and circumstances to me. If I do not like what I’ve created then I have the power to create something different. Not taking responsibility and blaming others and circumstances, is putting power into somebody else’s hands, taking us back into victim mentality and stripping away our true happiness.
  3. Don’t let your emotions control you. This is not to say ignore emotions either. Emotions have their place and are very important in guiding us to be safe. For example, at the basic level, if we feel fear, we are being told it is not safe and to flee to survive. But if we are always in fear, this is a different issue needing to be addressed. For some reason we have become “addicted” to that emotion and the root cause needs to be uncovered and healed. When we are stuck in a specific emotion and it is running our lives, we create from that emotion and it is not who we are.
  4. Stay focused on what you want to create in your life. This may seem simple enough but if you take inventory on what you are focusing upon, you may be surprised at how much you are focusing on what you don’t want. This takes a lot of concentration to stay focused on what you do want to create, because we are constantly being pulled. Making visualization a routine is a simple tool to stay focused. And support through coaching is an excellent way to have the support and accountability you need to stay on path.
  5. Be disciplined. Set up routines, plans, and “to-do’s” to support what you want to create, and eliminate those things that take your attention away or are sabotaging your plans. If you have reminders (planners, vision boards, mind-maps, lists), and you persistently use them you whappy Meditate peaceill not have time for unimportant things because you are clear on what needs to be done.
  6. Meditation. It has been scientifically proven the relaxed mind is a happy mind and creating a sense of well-being. It also eliminates stress on all levels, freeing us to again, just be.
  7. Do your best at all times, even when you at your best or at your worst. Just do your best and you will have no regrets. Regrets are a huge waste of energy, sucking power dry.
  8. Live your life authentically and with purpose. Are you living in integrity with who you are and what you want to create in the world or are you living by what you think how others want you to live? Are you clear on what your individual purpose is in the world and if so, are you living it? If you need help in finding your purpose, contact me for tranformational coaching.
  9. Avoid assumptions, ask questions and be as clear in your communication as possible. This has to do with energy. Are we building or wasting it. When there are confusions in communication, we end up wasting a lot of time tying up our energy in setting things straight.
  10. Don’t take things personally – we touched on this already but it is really important to understand and strive to live by. It is the most difficult to conquer and the most rewarding in terms of happiness. Other people do not do things because of us, they do things because of them, and you do things because of you, not because of someone else. You can argue this point all you want, tying up your energy but if you deeply contemplate why you do or don’t do something, you will find it is based on your beliefs and perceptions of the world. You did not divorce your spouse because of your spouse, even if you blame them, you divorced them because you wanted something different for your life. This is only an example but it is true in every circumstance you are involved in. You did, and created it, because of you. Get it?

Happy, FreedomLet me ask you again, “are you happy only when things are going your way?”

If you answered yes, don’t you think it’s time to empower yourself and become truly deep down, all the time, no matter what is going on in your life, and the world, happy? I gave you some guidelines, are you willing to do what it takes? Wouldn’t your life be so much better and fulfilling?

I can guarantee if you commit to your true happiness, you will have freedom, no matter who is in the presidential office!